Inveraray Castle

In West Scotland, on the shores of Loch Fyne, lies Inveraray, the ancestral home of the Dukes of Argyll, clan Campbell. We visited last year and joined a group tour. The 13th Duke of Argyll manned the cash register in the gift shop. Her Grace the Duchess greeted tour guests in the Hall. Before I describe a few remarkable oddities in the Castle, I’d like to link to this description of the tempestuous marriage of the 11th Duke of Argyll. Some of my readers love to hear how the rich and powerful are actually unhappy sleazebags. See: https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/a-very-british-scandal-real-story-what-happened-next-duke-duchess-argyll-margaret-ian-campbell_uk_61c45fa5e4b04b42ab68f4a7

Clan Campbell is still distrusted by the clan Macdonald. Clan Campbell, loyal to the English king, heinously slaughtered their unarmed guests, clan Macdonald, in 1762 at the Massacre at Glencoe. Although poor communication and bad timing contributed to the massacre, Scots agree that clan Campbell too zealously “put the Macdonalds to the sword” not just to impress the Royalists but to gain Macdonald property. So with this historical background, I wanted to see what the winners of history did with their wealth.

Argyll Estates comprise over 200km2 of land devoted to tourism, forestry, cattle, and water resources. When the duchess mentioned having “300 mouths to feed” I think she was colorfully referring to her employees. Her three teenage children, also good eaters, were kept off stage. Our tour guide referred to the nobility jauntily as “Torquil and Eleanor” but also cautioned us to address them as “Your Grace.” Her Grace the Duchess of Argyll made herself available for selfies with the tour guests in the Great Hall and asked them to use #InverarayCastle when posting.

The Great Hall displays trophies, war medals, and artifacts from the Dukes of Argyll. Sometimes the Dukes were engaged in acts of service to king and country and diamond-patterned knee socks. It wasn’t all just wastrels carousing. The Duke of Argyll holds a ceremonial post of Keeper of the Keys, like a steward, for the British monarchy. The Great Hall hosts a collection of rifles and a collection of halberds, both fanned out in semicircles as decor. Call me a bumpkin, but I am not impressed by outdated weapons.

I enjoyed the portrait gallery more than the porcelain tea services. Seen one china cup and saucer, you’ve seen ‘em all. Our guide said the china sets were on display in what was formerly the library. Authors and fans sent the Duke books from all over the world. The books were not suited for display, thus the books were removed and the china sets took over the shelves. Darn, I thought. I would be interested in the book titles the dukes owned.

Just before the tour reached its climax in the gift shop hosted by His Grace, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torquhil_Campbell%2C_13th_Duke_of_Argyll, I spotted framed newspaper clippings on the wall that our guide did not point out. Our host has been captain of the championship elephant polo team of the UK! I was transfixed by thoughts about elephant polo. Did the elephants enjoy it? Who plays it besides the rich landowners of the Scottish countryside? Where is it played? And especially, why? Now, I’m not someone to yuck someone’s yum, or, as the grands put it, to “stupid someone’s train tracks.” And between my spouse and myself, we have a goodly number of unconventional interests. But whose idea of sport is it to galumph on elephants steered by mahouts, whacking at a ball? Can’t they just skip the game and go drink together like regular men? I decided it was a learning experience for me. Travel is broadening and I am now acquainted with elephant polo.