Portland Trends

Four-headed water fountains invite group drinks, but really Portland is a beer town. Well, a beer, coffee, doughnut, and ice cream town.

On the day I visited Portland, the sun was shining, the roses were blooming and the young white adults were waiting in long lines for popular treats. While many of the ladies wore bright or pastel sundresses, nail polish, make up, and jewelry, their swains looked like they rolled out of a tent in the black T-shirt and jeans they slept in. The ladies wore more makeup than you’d find at UCSC, including cat’s eye eyeliner à la Liz Taylor in “Cleopatra.” But instead of the men channeling Richard Burton as Marc Antony, the gents favored close cropped hair and full beards, or at least stubble. They looked like Civil War re-enactors. After the cheery androgyny of the surfer culture, I was surprised at the strong sexual dimorphism. The young folks stood in line for Voo Doo Doughnuts. Here’s the line:

For $4 you can buy doughnuts shaped like genitalia. Call me species-ist, but I will never fellate a doughnut. They also hold weddings in their shop, continuing their theme of quirky love. And, for the record, they sell traditional doughnuts, too.

Another trendy Portland business with long lines is Salt and Straw, a premium ice cream shop. The gimmick at Salt and Straw is odd combination flavors: savory with sweet. Here are actual flavors that I have renamed: Lavender Mascarpone: Grammy’s Bathsoap. Chocolate with pretzel bits: Swiss Pothole Filler. Potato chips with chocolate chips: Couch Potato Grit. Strawberries and balsamic vinegar: Kitchen Shelf Confusion. I remain loyal to our Penny Ice Creamery, which might be featuring Peaches and Cream about now.

Keeping my record in strange cities unblemished, I was asked for directions. Must be my innocuous appearance. Also, I was panhandled, profanely and humorlessly insulted by street people and snubbed by a restaurant hostess, but all that could happen to me in Santa Cruz.